No Love
by Zero9grl
Summary: She does not know love, does not know this feeling. So when she thinks about him in this way she thinks it is just a joke, a joke on herself. Here is everyone she ever thought she loved.


Note: All characters, places, ect. belong to Square Enix.

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**No Love**  
By Zero9grl

She does not think she knows love. She is like Vincent, all angst and depression with no hope of love, any love at all, though it is not her sins that make her so and she thinks she will skip the red cape because red has never looked good on her, maybe a black one or beige to match her shorts. She has thought at many times she knew love, but each time has been a joke.

She thought once, for maybe thirty seconds, that she loved Cloud. It was his mako eyes that glowed in the dark and were serious in a new definition of the word. For a minute she saw Cid and his language was nearly as bad as hers and he smoked and drank and wasn't that what men were supposed to do, and his eyes had this look like they could see the whole world. Five minutes is how long she was hung up on Vincent, with his mystery and his eyes like rubies, like blood, like red summon materia, and his heavy sin that was deep and dark and dank and made him unreachable. She realized she had a thing for eyes.

She thought maybe she had that dreaded preference which made many shutter and she wondered what it would be like to kiss an animal. And then she looked at Red XIII and all her curiosity flew away because he was intelligent and annoying and really, his eyes were not so wondrous. She figured maybe she liked girls and looked at Tifa and looking at Tifa and thinking about thinking about Tifa _in that way_ made her scared because what Tifa was hauling could suffocate her, maybe even crush her and she had no desire to look up Tifa's skirt at her uninteresting white panties that were so less awesome than her rainbow chocobo patterned ones.

She tried looking at other boys for a time, but they were all boring and had never killed an army of MPs and exterminated an ecosystem of monsters and they didn't own any weapon more sharp and pointy and dangerous than pocket knives and kitchen scissors. It was as if all the interesting men in the world with beautiful eyes were either in AVALANCHE or trying to kill her. She did try thinking of Reno of the Turks _in that way_ for a whole two minutes, but she found she'd rather give him a wedgie and cut off his stupid ponytail than make out with him in a corner of the forest trail she beat his face into.

She doesn't know love and she never will, so when she looks at Reeve who controls Cait Sith and he has pretty eyes like hers, she does not think a thing of it because it is just a joke on herself, just a joke. When it is not his eyes she can not stop obsessing over though, but his height that is just right for kissing (in her fantasies anyways and she has never had five whole fantasies involving the same person in twenty minutes before) and the way his shoulders fit into suits so well and his goatee that he keeps so trim _and it is impossible how he keeps it so trim, when does he even have the time_ and… And when she spends more time thinking about a man's goatee than his eyes something is wrong, oh so very wrong.

In her usual, sneaky-ambush fashion she catches Reeve when no one is around and backs him into a corner, which it should be the other way around, but then Reeve is not a manly man and if they were to ever have a relationship (which they never will because this is a joke, just a joke) she thinks she would wear the pants in it, only they would be shorts because pants are not for kickass ninjas and her legs look damn good in shorts. She corners Reeve and he doesn't realize it is a trap, looks at her all innocence and how can she be obsessing over this man who is everything the Cait Sith she knows is not from logic to excessive calm. She can not fathom how he ever made the robotic cat and if it is the cat reenacting him or if they are two completely different things.

"Reeve," she tells him and it is a strange thing to call him Reeve _at this moment in time_ when she has called him Reeve and Reevie and Reef and even Reefiola which never made any sense to begin with, and yet it is now so very awkward to call him Reeve. She calls him Reeve anyways. "Reeve, I need you to do a very important mission and go where no man has ever gone before," she tells him in all seriousness and he looks at her slightly concerned. He is so gullible.

"Reeve, I need you to kiss me, now, right now, hard and fast, just stick your tongue down my throat," she instructs him, poker-faced with a deadpan voice. He stares at her and for a moment she thinks he is going to scratch his head and say that he is sorry, but that might be considered statutory rape by some considering their age difference and cause Barret to beat the shit out of him. She is surprised and glad when he leans forward instead and almost hesitantly kisses her lips, light like down and chocobo feathers. And then his hands come up slowly and take hold of her face and she thinks she's tasting Cait Sith as he deepens the kiss. The doll in question seems torn between covering its eyes in disgust and rooting Reeve on. "Get a room ye two!"

She gives the doll the middle finger salute and it gives a yowl of repulsion before scampering off to do whatever crazy, robotic cats do. Probably watch like a pervert from a distance and take pictures for later blackmail.

"The room can wait; what about lunch?" Reeve asks and he looks a little lost now that he is not exploring the newly discovered territory of her gums and nearly perfect teeth. He scratches his head and looks down at the floor. "Er…sorry," he mumbles, "Too forward?"

He seems like a child caught with matches; she flicks him on the forehead and he looks at her. "Your mission is not complete until you go farther than any man, except maybe Cloud, but he does not count because he is a crazy mako monster who eats small children and plunders Tifa's chest by sight when he thinks no one's looking," she tells him and he nods meekly.

"I will give you one support materia if you allow me to escort you to lunch, which I am guessing is entirely on me as well," he says and she punches his shoulder, though he does not flinch as she maybe thought he might. "Two command materia," she demands and he runs a hand through his tousled hair, thinking. "You will have to find them though," he compromises.

"In your room behind the portrait of your mom in a jar," she says and he groans that there is no way she could have possibly known that. "I didn't, but it sounds like you," she informs him.

He takes her out for lunch. She steals the whole jar of materia. He kisses her again and Barret sees them. She feels somewhat sorry for him that he is not a ninja as she flees the scene. She _had been looking forward to_ being vice president of the Angsty And Depressed Club that Vincent heads, but she does not think she's qualified anymore. She still can not stop obsessing over Reeve's goatee. The whole joke is on her; she does know love and the man plays with dolls. She will definitely be wearing the shorts in this relationship.


End file.
